Further Explorations: Existentialism & Existential Psychology

Quick note: As I thought about the past few posts, and then tried to come up with resources to point you towards, I realized that a lot of my reading and learning has been at the level of primary texts; that is, reading Sartre, Beauvoir, Merleau-Ponty, etc. These are pretty tough entry points, and since I am working on putting together my existential group this fall, I’ve been trying to come up with more normal-person resources. But I admit, it’s a little thin. 

Stuff to explore online

  • Existential Comics. I’m not kidding. First off, it’s hilarious. Second, Corey Mohler (the creator) does offer you little windows into philosophy’s heavy hitters. Each character generally plays an (obviously comedic) role in each narrative that somehow reflects the philosophical positions that philosopher held. 

  • Some philosophy YouTubers

    • Mark Thorsby contributed to me getting through grad school. His videos are definitely in-depth — this isn’t philosophy lite — but he’s crystal clear and really knows his stuff.

    • This is more if you’re just interested in philosophy generally, but Jared Henderson is someone I’ve been following more lately. He also has an excellent Substack. He doesn’t generally get into existentialism per se, but his approach to philosophy is quite accessible. 

  • The Existentialists podcast. This one is great for actually applying existential psychology principles to our lives. Not just philosophy, but really existential psych.

  • Both the Internet Encyclopedia of Philosophy and the Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy are, again, fantastic philosophy resources generally. Keep in mind that these articles are written by professional philosophers who are not always the best at thinking about how to apply philosophy to lived reality. But if you get excited about existentialism (or any other philosophy!), they’re invaluable resources for pointing you in future directions.

  • This may feel a little intimidating, but Jean-Paul Sartre’s Existentialism Is a Humanism is genuinely quite accessible. Personally, as an old Gen X lady, I’d recommend printing it off instead of trying to read it online, but whatever works for you!

  • And of course, if you’ll be in Washington State this fall, I’ll be leading an existentialist psychotherapy group. Because it’s an actual therapy group, you do have to be in Washington to participate. But I’m genuinely excited about this group. My goals are to help people 1) start to figure out what role the intellect plays in therapy, and 2) get their feet under them with existentialism.

Books

  • Full disclosure: I haven’t actually read this one yet, but I swear I’m going to! At the Existentialist Café by Sarah Bakewell is one that I keep meaning to get to. My phenomenology professor recommended it, so it’s got to be good, right? I’m guessing it has a bit of a French bias, but that’s pretty common.

  • My #1 recommendation for getting started with thinking existentialism in your actual life: On Being and Becoming by Jennifer Gosetti-Ferencei. Gosetti-Ferencei isn’t a psychotherapist, but/and she does a fantastic job of walking the edge between explaining the philosophy and talking about it in terms of human life. We’ll be using this book in the therapy group this fall.

  • If you feel up for a primary text (though I might suggest starting with the aforementioned Existentialism Is a Humanism), The Wretched of the Earth by Frantz Fanon feels particularly salient for our times. I’m convinced that Fanon’s young death is one of the greatest tragedies of 20th century philosophy. Fanon was a psychiatrist, Martiniquais, and an absolutely brilliant analyst of what colonialism had done/was doing to the psyches of both colonized and colonizer.

What existentialism is not (necessarily)

Jean-Paul

It’s funny how we get introduced to a concept, and how that introduction can shape our impression of that concept for years. Even a lifetime.

When someone first introduced existentialism to me, 1) they only talked about the concept of radical freedom, and 2) they talked about it as a monolithic philosophy. What I now know is that this was both an entirely Sartrean understanding of existentialism (obviously he was a big deal, but he was by no means the defining voice on existentialism), and even there, it oversimplified things. 

The way (Sartre’s) radical freedom concept is usually understood is in the context of Western philosophy’s ongoing debate regarding determinism; that is, how much/many of our choices are we “freely” choosing, as opposed to being directed by unseen forces outside of our control. This is a massive debate, and I won’t get into it here. But suffice to say, I don’t think it’s really the right starting place for Sartre’s radical freedom. From what I can tell in my albeit limited reading of his work, Sartre wasn’t really “doing” physicalism. That isn’t to say that he believed in a soul, or that he rejected natural science. But Sartre was primarily concerned with what a human being is from a human being’s perspective. From a human being’s perspective, we are not atoms and neurochemicals. As an example, as I write this, I am not experiencing myself as an anatomical substrate, with electrical firings going off in my “brain.” I’m experiencing sitting in a chair, with my laptop on my lap. I’m sitting in a funny spot in my kitchen, because the morning light is killer on the other side of the kitchen, and I see my little black cat Charlotte off to my right. My back hurts a little, and I’m thinking that it’s because I didn’t get any exercise yesterday.

Sartre was analyzing this reality. The lived reality. And his concept of radical freedom also held the reality of being “condemned to be free”; that is, for humans, there is an element of the necessity of freedom. You cannot escape the fact that you could, in fact, decide to do any number of things, including one of the most apparently absurd actions, suicide. 

This isn’t how it was presented to me. It was presented in a sophomoric, “We can do whatever we want!” kind of way. When what Sartre is saying is, “We can do whatever we want . . . or don’t want . . . or what other people want . . . and it’s terrifying.”

Groundlessness

I should preface this part by saying that I am not yet deep enough into Sartre, Yalom, and Buddhism to offer a robust defense of this idea. But here goes.

In my own work, as a therapist — as an American therapist, in the 21st century, shaped by a childhood in the Cold War, and an adulthood defined by technological rapaciousness and ongoing conflict in the Middle East — I think that the word freedom is pretty irredeemably tainted. Americans have, overwhelmingly, naïve and self-gratifying ideas about freedom. If they want cherry soda, they think it’s freedom to get cherry soda. If they want to make other people sick, they think it’s freedom to make other people sick. As a nation, we’re not very good at considering nuance, and we’re so accustomed to a shopper’s mentality that freedom does often seem to boil down to getting what we want.

A big part of therapy, in my opinion, is coming to terms with how little you are going to get what you want. So the word freedom, to me, just muddies the waters. What I’ve landed on, to convey the same concept, is the Buddhist idea of groundlessness

We encounter groundlessness whenever we discover that our neat and tidy little assumptions weren’t in fact true. 

Oh, you thought you were going to get married and have a couple of kids? Surprise! You’re infertile!

Thought you were going to move out to one of the San Juans and watch your golden retriever galumph through the long grass? Surprise! You’re getting a divorce, and now you’re in a custody battle over the dog.

You lose your job, after building the technology that’s replacing you. Your kids have “special” (most obnoxious euphemism of them all) needs. You get cancer. Your spouse dies. 

And each horrible step along the way, you have to choose. You have to make decisions about what to do next, or you avoid making choices, and that is actually itself a kind of choice. 

Yes, you can go through IVF. And it’s absolute hell for a lot of people.

Yes, you can do couples therapy. And it won’t save a marriage that’s been unraveling for decades. 

This is groundlessness, and I think it’s also a lot closer to what Sartre was describing than my ability to choose chocolate versus vanilla. Perhaps a better word, instead of “freedom,” would be, “anchorlessness.”

Pessimism versus optimism

I realize that, at this point, existentialism might sound like a fairly bleak approach to life. Westerners tend to gravitate towards more cheerful philosophical concepts, and groundlessness — and, if I’m right, Sartre’s “freedom” — are anything but cheerful.

So here’s what I’ll posit: the main reason we think this sounds so damn bad is that we’re addicted to problem-solving. In grad school, one of my professors brought up Maslow’s law of the instrument: to paraphrase, give someone a hammer, and suddenly everything looks like a nail. 

Give someone Python, and suddenly everything looks like a problem to solve. Give someone  structural engineering, and suddenly everything looks like a problem to solve. Give someone cardiology, and suddenly everything looks like a problem to solve. They may be smart enough to know that their wife’s sadness will not be solved by Python, or their child’s’s Level 2 autism will not be solved by cardiology. But in the modern world, we have a very real tendency to view everything that we dislike — everything that makes us uncomfortable, everything that our minds suffer over — as a problem to solve. We search, and spin, and play out arguments and scenes in our heads, striving to find the solution.

In this context, I believe, Sartre’s freedom is both intimidating and liberating. Because at the end of the day, if my child’s emotional volatility is a safety risk for my other kids, that just is what it is. I can’t make autism go away. What I have the power to do is decide how I want to relate to it. And in Sartrean fashion, I really do have that freedom. I can decide, for example, that it’s more than I want to handle on a daily basis, and that I think my kid would be better served at a residential program for high needs kids. I may even surprise myself, and be reminded that I do, in fact, love them. I may feel guilt, and compare myself to parents who kept their Level 2 kiddos at home. 

If my spouse is sad — and maybe she’s sad a lot, maybe it reaches to the level of clinical depression — I can decide how I want to relate to her depression. I certainly can’t make it go away, but I can support her in getting help. She can also decide she doesn’t want help. I can decide that I want time away from her heavy depression sometimes, and do my own thing. And maybe we do grow apart. That’s entirely possible. I can absolutely decide I don’t want to live with a depressed person anymore. Or not! I can decide that it’s not worth the cost of divorce to me, and I want to stick it out. 

The point is, much of our lives, we like to tell ourselves stories about how it’s just obvious that we can’t get a divorce. Or, conversely, that it’s just obvious that we can’t stay married to someone who never wants to have sex with us. We tell ourselves that no reasonable person would choose to quit their job in this market. Or that no reasonable person would decide to go to nursing school in their late forties. 

Existentialism’s job, in these cases, is to keep holding up a mirror and say, “No, no, my friend. You have chosen to remain in a sexless marriage.” “No, no. You are choosing — right now, every day — to remain in a miserable job, with a boss you hate.” Importantly — I can’t emphasize this detail enough — you get to. You get to remain miserable. You get to be mercilessly selfish. But existentialism says, “Don’t you dare write the story with yourself as helpless pawn.”

To me, this seems incredibly . . . well, not exactly optimistic. But helpful. Genuinely helpful. Because when you reflect on your life, it is shocking to realize how little of it you had control over. You were born in a certain place, to certain parents. You were a certain race, which is its whole own can of worms. You were born with a certain, shaped body, and everyone around you interpreted that in certain ways. And then you went to schools (not of your choosing), in certain places (not of your choosing), speaking a specific language (or languages) (not of your choosing), a member of a certain religion, or not (not of your choosing), and you felt certain sexual impulses (not of your choosing), and there was a whole world around you full of people buying and selling things, among which were things like housing and medical care and clothes and food, and you were equipped with whatever cognitive and physical capacities you had to try and navigate the balance of your needs and that world. People around you were always going to get cancer, or be infertile, or enter your life after experiencing trauma, and you were always going to be constantly trying to respond to a world of impermanence.

That is a lot of stuff completely outside your control. In this context — which, I believe, is a usefully accurate view of human life — deciding how we respond, how we interpret, how we make meaning . . . that is all we have. And it is actually, incredibly powerful. I get to decide — you get to decide — how we respond to our loneliness. We get to decide how we live in relation to our jobs, how we interpret our familial religion. And yes, we get to deal with the consequences of those choices. That is Sartre’s freedom, and it is both freeing, and sobering.

Why I almost abandoned existential psychotherapy

Reasons to not be an existential therapist

I didn’t become a therapist until I was almost 40 years old. 

Some folks who become a therapist in their forties have the great excuse of having already had a “career,” as we call it. Or maybe they’ve had kids. I had no such excuses. 

To be frank, I struggled with jobs. In my twenties, I was 100% committed to being a writer and artist, and I worked nothing jobs in retail and food service. I got fired from jobs for “not smiling at the customers.” I lived below the poverty line so that I could avoid spending the time and energy needed to build a “career.” My goal was to write poetry, to get that poetry published, and of course, to be recognized as the genius of a generation.

There was another complicating factor, though, and that was that I kept either meeting or hearing about absolutely terrible therapists. 

Years ago, at a burrito shop with a friend, we ran into his therapist. His EXISTENTIAL THERAPIST, he clarified. 

It should be noted that this friend was . . . intense. He was, like many of the men I’ve gravitated towards, loud, assertive, and intellectually brilliant. He talked about a million miles a minute, and his mind leaped from Kant to Mogwai to Russian anarchist philosophy. This was what he was like, so when he excitedly saw his therapist and introduced him to all of us, no alarm bells went off.

Until the therapist simply . . . joined him.

The therapist began vigorously debating my friend. They immediately got into a heated exchange about . . . oh, one of the things philosophers argue about . . .  and they just sat there, yelling at each other. My friend was, as he was wont to do, clearly getting high off the whole thing. And I get that. I get high off intellectual debate, too. But the therapist was also clearly getting high off it. At one point my friend gleefully told me, “This is exactly what our therapy sessions are like!! I’m basically getting a free therapy session here!”

Later, after the very annoying therapist had left to (as he of course had to announce to everyone) “have sex with one of my partners,” my friend kept reiterating that he was an EXISTENTIAL THERAPIST. This had the predictable effect of making me file away “existential therapists” under “pretentious, self-gratifying assholes.” 

In which I try to not be a pretentious, self-gratifying asshole

To this day, when people ask me what existential psychotherapy is, I hesitate. 

My first priority is to ensure they don’t envision my old friend’s jerk of a therapist. But there’s a bigger question at play. While that poly-before-poly-was-cool dick was doing a bad job at it, his engagement with my friend was an answer to a question, the question being: what is the role of logic and intellect in therapy? The therapist’s answer was patently wrong — therapy is not an intellectual debate — but he was at least answering the question.

You might think that my grad program in existential-phenomenological psychology would have answered this question, but alas, such a program left me with more questions than I started with. Also, existential and phenomenological psychotherapists tend to see their approach as having more to do with the person of the therapist, or how they do therapy, rather than prescribing what they are doing in sessions. 

One thing I can confidently say is that existential psychotherapy is not a so-called “manualized” approach like CBT, DBT, or EMDR. I like to call these approaches 1-2-3 therapies: first do this, then this, then that. 

The thing is, I’ve found that I sometimes need a 1-2-3. Sometimes the patient needs a 1-2-3. With complex and/or developmental trauma, many patients flail in emotional overwhelm. It’s an absolute lifeline when I can tell someone, “First, I want you to put your phone away. Second, every day for the next week, do this breathing exercise. And third, when X thought comes, here’s how you can respond to it.”

In my grad program, I did feel like the teaching for how to respond to emotional overwhelm was basically, “Sit with the patient. Allow them their feelings.” I tried this until I had my first borderline patient who was — lucky me! — literally my first patient. In my internship. First day on the job. It was a shit show, and I feel confident saying I did her absolutely no good at all.

So after grad school, I sought out the 1-2-3 approaches for trauma, which quickly became my specialty area. 

Coming home (question mark?)

Maybe if I’d lived during a different time, I wouldn’t have returned to existential therapy. But the times are . . . something. 

Many of my patients work in the tech sector. They have built things that, apparently, will make it impossible for their children to have a job. Other patients work in medicine, where the insurance-companies-turned-cartels dictate care for their patients. Others are being driven insane by their screen addictions and rising panic. Those who are religious potentially have some kind of a meaning-making system, but those institutions also have to navigate current questions about gender, politics, and nationalism. And those who aren’t religious have no easy solutions; reasonably, they aren’t going to just submit without question to a faith they don’t endorse, but that also removes the possibility of a ready-made community.

So, I caved. I went back to my existential books. I restarted intentional journaling about questions like, “What do I think a person is?” and “How do I feel in my current dialogue with technology?” 

The annoying EXISTENTIAL THERAPIST at the burrito shop was, yes, doing it wrong. But I also can’t pretend that a quiet, “And how did that make you feel?” is the right response to every moment in therapy. In fact — and I’m sort of shocked to hear myself say this — I think that therapists may have become a little too obsessed with pure emotions. Our logical and intellectual needs are real. They, too, are always connected to our emotional beings, because we are animal bodies that generate a felt sense. And I’m finding a deeper need to engage with the questions of existentialism in my therapy work, and not simply chalk everything intellectual up to emotional avoidance.

Again, sometimes at the end of a post, I offer you a quick pause. Maybe close your eyes, close your laptop, and consider whether you need to stay on your screen after this. Maybe you do. And maybe it’s time for a break, time to stop scrolling and clicking and reconnect with the real world.